We don't talk much about being gentle with
ourselves as the best way to live a happy, productive and fulfilling
life. Rather, the world promotes striving, forcing, controlling,
manipulating, judging and criticizing ourselves instead. We think this
way of thinking and being will motivate us to be more productive and achieve
our goals more effectively, but it actually has the opposite effect.
Evidence has shown that criticizing and judging ourselves makes us feel like
nothing we do is ever good enough and contributes to lack of motivation,
depression, anxiety, addictions, procrastination, perfectionism, and low
self-esteem. Kindness and gentleness towards ourselves will give us more
motivation to enjoy the process of achieving our goals and increase our energy,
strength, peace, joy and love. This is the only environment that will
foster health, mentally, emotionally and physically. The bible says,
'Rather it shall be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle
and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.' - 1 Peter 3:4.
If a child fails at something, you wouldn't berate them for it because it will
make them feel worse than they already do. The child internalizes the message
that they are not good enough and they will connect their worth to what they do
rather than to who they are. Instead, it's important to help them
understand that failure is a necessary part of life and their only
responsibility is to learn from the mistake, let it go and do their best.
Tell them they are worthy and loved no matter what they do (behavior).
Some behaviors, of course, are inappropriate and require consequences, but that
is separate from WHO they are as a person. A nurturing parent would love
them just the same, regardless of their poor behavior. We need to use
this same approach as adults, because that child is still an important part of
us.
Being gentle with ourselves also includes honoring and acknowledging our
feelings, no matter what they are, or whether we think they are
"acceptable" or not. It's necessary to work through and process
feelings in order to learn what they have to teach us as well as healing past
pain. Journaling thoughts and feelings is a great way to do this and
increases self-knowledge and self-awareness.
Achieving gentleness with ourselves can be difficult, especially if you grew up
in a family that was very negative and critical, but it is possible if you
believe it is. Matthew 19:26 says, "With God, all things are
possible." It takes work, but will be well worth the effort in creating a
joy-filled, successful life filled with love and peace.
Peace and blessings,
Jill