Being Gentle with Yourself is the Path to True Success and Fulfillment

We don't talk much about being gentle with ourselves as the best way to live a happy, productive and fulfilling life.  Rather, the world promotes striving, forcing, controlling, manipulating, judging and criticizing ourselves instead.  We think this way of thinking and being will motivate us to be more productive and achieve our goals more effectively, but it actually has the opposite effect.  Evidence has shown that criticizing and judging ourselves makes us feel like nothing we do is ever good enough and contributes to lack of motivation, depression, anxiety, addictions, procrastination, perfectionism, and low self-esteem.  Kindness and gentleness towards ourselves will give us more motivation to enjoy the process of achieving our goals and increase our energy, strength, peace, joy and love.  This is the only environment that will foster health, mentally, emotionally and physically.  The bible says, 'Rather it shall be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.' - 1 Peter 3:4.  If a child fails at something, you wouldn't berate them for it because it will make them feel worse than they already do. The child internalizes the message that they are not good enough and they will connect their worth to what they do rather than to who they are.  Instead, it's important to help them understand that failure is a necessary part of life and their only responsibility is to learn from the mistake, let it go and do their best.  Tell them they are worthy and loved no matter what they do (behavior).  Some behaviors, of course, are inappropriate and require consequences, but that is separate from WHO they are as a person.  A nurturing parent would love them just the same, regardless of their poor behavior.  We need to use this same approach as adults, because that child is still an important part of us. 

 The first step is becoming aware of our negative, critical thoughts without judgement and then replace those thoughts with more realistic, positive, gentler ones.

Being gentle with ourselves also includes honoring and acknowledging our feelings, no matter what they are, or whether we think they are "acceptable" or not.  It's necessary to work through and process feelings in order to learn what they have to teach us as well as healing past pain.  Journaling thoughts and feelings is a great way to do this and increases self-knowledge and self-awareness.  

 Acknowledging our successes, no matter how small, is another way to be loving and gentle with ourselves.  

 Taking these action steps will help us be more integrated, whole individuals and lead to greater productivity, motivation and emotional balance.  Even the bible talks about the importance of being gentle with ourselves.  'Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.' - Colossians 3:12.

Achieving gentleness with ourselves can be difficult, especially if you grew up in a family that was very negative and critical, but it is possible if you believe it is.  Matthew 19:26 says, "With God, all things are possible." It takes work, but will be well worth the effort in creating a joy-filled, successful life filled with love and peace.


Peace and blessings,
Jill