Pain is Inevitable but Suffering is Optional

We all want to be free from emotional pain and suffering, and unfortunately most of us will do anything to prevent pain from occurring in our lives.  These distractions can tend to turn into addictions.  Anything taken to the extreme isn’t good for us.  For whatever reason, our society rejects pain as being a necessary part of life.  How dare we say we aren’t doing well when someone asks us.  Authenticity is looked down upon.  Some spiritual practices tell us to move into our pain, to be in the moment.  This is the way we learn about ourselves and the only way we can be free.  We learn what is working in our lives and what isn’t, who is good for us and who isn’t, actions that need to be taken, boundaries that need to be set, etc.   When we don’t dive into the pain, we live with an underlying chronic discomfort, restlessness and anxiety.  It gets repressed, and eventually we get depressed. We lose our peace, our joy.   Pain is a natural part of life.  The deeper we can be with and feel our pain, the deeper our capacity will be to feel joy. 

Pain has many causes:  Losing someone we love whether it be through a breakup, death, moving away, a divorce, or the disappointment when our expectations aren't met, when we lose a job or move out of our parent’s house.  Any life transition, whether it’s positive or negative brings grief, whether we are aware of it or not.   When we don’t feel the necessary feelings and grief, they don’t just go away.  They stay stuck in our bodies, drain our energy and eventually will make us physically sick.  Ironically, by being present to ourselves and our lives, we move through the pain faster.  Most people think the opposite, that if we repress or avoid our pain, it will go away.  That is what actually leads to suffering, which is long term pain.  In life, pain is inevitable but suffering is optional.  I love this saying because it reminds me what is true.  We have a choice to suffer.  How powerful!  If only we actually lived this truth, our lives would be so much more joyful.  Feeling our feelings is a sign of self love.  When we love ourselves enough to feel our feelings, whatever they are moment by moment, we will learn lessons quicker, experience more joy, peace and love, decrease fear and anxiety, and most of all, trust that our lives are unfolding for the highest good.  We actually have the opportunity to LIVE our lives and be free.  This is all easier said than done.  It takes work, discipline, commitment and intention.  My collaborative psychotherapy services are designed to educate and empower you to take back your life and start to enjoy these amazing benefits.  Contact me anytime at (805)279-4686 for a free consultation.

I welcome your comments and experiences about pain and suffering.

Peace and Blessings,

Jill